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How To Get Togetherness

Chapter 1 INTRODUCTION: LIFE IS NO PICNIC

The book opens with a family scene and a school commentary illustrating the difficulties parents, children and teachers encounter. Parents and teachers are encouraged to read aloud the parts that fit their family or classroom situations. Four categories of strategies for improving relationships are presented:

Communication: Process and content for improving self-esteem
Environment: Calming oneself inside and out
Behavior Agreements: Building trust
Medications: Exploring the pros and cons

Chapter 2 TWELVE GUIDELINES FOR IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS

Twelve guidelines encourage positive attitudes and promote change in individuals and relationships:

Recognize that relationships maintain familiar, cyclical habits
Know the advantages and disadvantages of staying stuck.
Realize that relationships are innocent, sometimes opportunistic, and occasionally malicious.
Commit to love and work.
Understand brain chemistry and individual learning styles.
Promote adult responsibility for emotional climate.
Maximize teamwork: the 360° model
Become a child’s ally.
Go for greatest impact areas first.
Take care of yourself.
Experiment.
Look at the big picture.

Chapter 3 COMMUNICATION: PROCESS AND CONTENT

Lively and serious examples demonstrate peace and war in family and classroom communication. Two vastly different morning scenes set the stage for cooperative or non-cooperative outcomes as people share responsibility for communication.

Improve communication content by controlling process, feelings, and pace.

Create opportunities for improved self-esteem as people move toward cooperative communication.

Learn how tone, volume, and words interact with the brain to produce thoughtful versus emotional responses.

Learn communication strategies that put parents and teachers in line with children before they set limits, thus eliminating habitual arguments.

Chapter 4 ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS FOR IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS

“Destimulating” internal and external environments encourages people to hear each other. Eliminating as many distractions as possible offers the most learning to the most people. Attention and cooperation improve as kids, parents, and teachers suggest ways to lower internal stress and external visual and auditory distractions.

Three relaxation techniques introduce strategies that can be used on a moment’s notice to improve positive options for relationships.

The book presents techniques that eliminate road rage, and allow parents to arrive home refreshed from a day’s work, ready to jump into the home scene.

Chapter 5 BUILDING TRUST USING BEHAVIOR AGREEMENTS

The principle of “MBA,” i.e. “Management by Anticipation,” involves establishing trust using behavior agreements, followed by “fading out” of formal contracting. Examples outline everyone’s responsibilities in making agreements work.

The time out process is fully explained for children, parents, and teachers. Thirty-second time outs handle most misbehavior. Parents and teachers are encouraged to:

study and know what to do in advance should misbehavior escalate.
learn the value of charting through examples that include blank worksheets to be photocopied and used in the family and classroom.
use written behavior agreements that cover numerous family and classroom routines, such as:

“Many hands make light work.”
Strengths and Areas to Improve
Start and Finish Assessments of Basic Skills
Cooperation Charts
Response Cost Cooperation Charts
Things I Agree To Do Each Day
My Perfect Morning Routine
My Perfect Evening Routine
Positive vs. Negative Behavior Charts
Positive Program for School Success
Full Value Contract (adapted from Project Adventure)
Rate Improvement Charts
The ABC (Attention, Behavior, Contentment) Chart

Chapter 6 MANAGING MEDICAL INTERVENTIONS

The pros and cons of medical interventions for attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and mood disorders are presented from the child’s view.

Changes brought through medicine and curriculum changes are discussed using the hour-by-hour Attention-Behavior-Contentment (ABC) chart.

Ways to encourage communicating about medication with the child, family, school, and physicians are presented.

The importance of learning how children view medication, and of keeping securely regulated is emphasized.

Chapter 7 MEASURING IMPROVEMENTS AND SOLIDIFYING GAINS

Parents and teachers are encouraged to ask themselves two basic questions: “Where were you when you started?” and, “Where are you now?” These questions should help them determine if they have developed the habits needed to make relationships run more smoothly. Techniques for dealing with old patterns that may return to create havoc are presented, along with ways of maintaining gains by reviewing communication, environmental, and behavior strategies.